It was daunting preparing for Christmas in Prison, but we began to turn the landing into a colourful Christmas haven. Well, as much as we could. My friend would sit in her cell at night, creating silver angels and stars and I would make paperchains out of the crisp packets and coloured paper we collected. Instead of sending cards we turned a noticeboard into a Christmas scene complete with a house, tree and snowman and we left Christmas messages. All of this helped to give us a sense of Christmas spirit.
I decided to make sure that everyone on my wing was given something small to open on Christmas Day. I spent weeks leading up to Christmas buying items we could purchase from the canteen and wrapping them in paper and little boxes, so that everyone had a gift. I then played Santa on Christmas Eve so that they all had something to open Christmas morning.
Let Christmas morning begin…You could hear people shouting ‘Merry Christmas’ from their windows to each other and that is when it hits you. It is Christmas morning, and you are not at home with your children. I felt heartbroken and I cried. I managed to compose myself when I remembered that my children were safe, with family, and they would have a fabulous Christmas although different.
Luckily, I was able to have a quick chat with my kid’s midmorning.
At lunch we collected our food, came back to the wing. Lunch time lock-in came all too soon and the thought of being behind that door filled me with dread. Being alone at Christmas, my favourite day of the year, hurt. I watched the clock tick, working out what the kids would be doing, listened to girls talking at their windows and I listened for keys, praying for unlock.
Unlock finally came, tea packs were given out. I think we did some music quizzes made by staff and played bingo where we won prizes made by one of the girls. Early lock-in soon came round as staff were sent home to be with their loved ones, whilst we were alone with our thoughts. We all wished each other good night and the doors closed.
Lock in was the loneliest 15 hours. I watched the clock, waiting to call the kids from my in-cell phone. We spent a very excitable hour chatting and they told me more about their presents, what they had eaten for Christmas dinner, that they were now playing games with their cousins. My heart was full of Love, the call ended with them saying ‘’Love you, bye, love you, love you mwah mwah’’.
Our landing was always quiet, but you could hear the girls from other landings talking to each other. I had to tune out and, instead, watched Christmas night TV, keeping it as normal as possible. Telling myself ‘It doesn’t matter that you are here’. Just do the normal things, as normal as you can in this small cell. I finally fell asleep.
Although the months spent in prison were bleak, I chose to embrace Christmas and make the best of my circumstances. I made a difference by switching from the negative, from feeling sorry for myself, to finding a way to be positive. This was a valuable experience which has helped me in my new life.
I am now looking forward to being at home for this Christmas, continuing to volunteer with the Oswin Project and in building a new future.
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